I’m a 25 year old teacher teaching at boys school & I have colleagues younger than me. I caught one of my students telling her he wanted her as his teacher instead & it hurt my feelings. They compliment her a lot. It makes me jealous. What do I do?

There could be many reasons students prefer one teacher over another, and their preferences change given the subject you teach, your pedagogy, your personality, school rules, their age, their ambitions etc etc. Children can be fickle in their affections, so it’s pointless focusing on how much they seem to like you today compared with yesterday.

She’s focused on friendship/likeability rather than teaching?

If your jealousy stems from self doubt and the belief that she’s a better teacher, despite you being older and possibly more experienced, spend time finding out what she does that seems to deliver better results or higher engagement. Are these things you can do? The best teachers have a broad range of strategies they can use to motivate, interest and engage students. They spend their career adding new ideas to their ‘toolbox’. Give yourself time.

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Teachers, despite the movies, aren’t actually there to be loved by their students. It’s not your purpose. You are there to teach, to guide to mentor and support their learning. That’s it.

You’re 25 and your colleague is younger. I’m guessing your colleague is unlikely to be younger than 22. Trust me, the students won’t be seeing that 3 year gap. In their eyes you’re equally ‘old’ (‘young’ when they’re trying to flatter you).

Good teachers treat their students with respect, modelling healthy human relationships and appropriate professional relationships. You can be kind, compassionate and empathetic at the same time but ultimately you’re the adult here. Encouraging a crush is unhealthy and an abuse of power. Never do this.

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Why are you jealous?

They’re crushing on her instead of you?

They like her teaching style better than yours?

I’m wondering about attachment and transference with the therapist and the idea of escape and fantasy? How much do you think your strong feelings, constant thoughts, desires to be with your therapist are a way to escape from your present life? I wonder if the transference serves another purpose than to show us our wounds and/or past experiences, but is a present coping strategy for managing what we don’t want to face (even if unconsciously) in the present—-current relationships, life circumstances, etc. Can anyone relate to this concept of escape in relation to their therapy relationship? How does this play out for you?